High-performing men tend to have access to peers, colleagues, business networks, therapists, masterminds. What they don’t have is space where they can really be met by men who don’t give a shit about their title, their status, or how successful they are. Men who are simply there to hold space for each other and practice being vulnerable in an empowered way.
To reveal what is underneath the surface, feel what has been buried, and shine the healing light of awareness to the parts of us that have been abandoned. This is re-membering… what it means to be whole.
Most male friendships amongst successful men are usually built on shared interests, competition, or status. They don’t have room for vulnerability. This makes it difficult for men to access more emotional depth, because they have no space to practice it without feeling weak. As a result, the armor never comes off and men continue seeking and consuming information outside of themselves, instead of doing real inner work that happens naturally when men come together in a sacred circle and practice expressing their truth, whether this happens in person or online.
‘Choose community, not consumption.’
A man cannot do this inner work alone. It happens in relationship, within proximity of other men who have the courage to meet themselves and other men at deep levels. Where men are practicing dropping the armor, dropping the masks, and really sharing what is alive for them in a way they wouldn’t feel safe doing with their families or even close friends.
The nervous system regulates through relationship, not isolation. Isolation only perpetuates shame, because shame can only remain in isolation. To come into a safe space, beyond just a neutral therapist, where a man can really express these things and be seen, heard, understood, and felt, is deeply healing. He has the opportunity to express and then be witnessed in that expression. And something shifts. There’s a release. There’s a liberation.
I remember after the first year of leading my core group of men in Costa Rica, when we decided to begin welcoming other brothers into the circle. The men who we invited were entering a seasoned circle of men who had cultivated presence and trust. It was amazing to see how this allowed the new guys to easily relax into the space and even have emotional release… tears or the permission to growl, express anger or even roar or scream into a pillow.
I’ve seen it time and time again in these sacred spaces, where men consistently show up and learn how to become more emotionally literate and intelligent. Spaces where they embark on the journey from their head to their heart, and learn how to remain there, stay there more often, and witness other men in their expression, seeing the different ways their own shadows, challenges, or problems are being reflected. So they know they’re not alone on their journey when they’re struggling.
Men need other men to continue to be challenged. Ideally those men are stronger and more advanced than you… have done more healing, integration and embodiment work… and will call you forward and hold you accountable to meeting your greatest potential. Otherwise it’s too easy to become complacent, too comfortable and therefore grow weak.
A man can see his own blind spots intellectually, but not feel them until they’ve been reflected back by another person.
The sad truth is, most men have never experienced being truly witnessed by other men. They only evaluate, compete with, and measure against. It can be very intimidating for a man to come into a space with other men, especially if he doesn’t know where these other men stand, because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable with the wrong people.
It really takes a special container where these kind of men can feel safe to enter and begin to reveal. I personally have never been in a men’s circle where I felt judged or witnessed judgement by others. That is the magic of these spaces. Yes I said magic. Because when men have the courage to release control and step into the mystery… into the unknown… men reclaim parts of themselves that have been abandoned for years often decades. To witness how that transformation impacts every man sharing the space and how that ripples outward is simply magical and I LOVE IT!
Photo taken in Costa Rica, 2021, from a mens event that my core circle and I organized to inspire and empower local men… both Ticos and foreigners alike… to create there own pods of brotherhood and show up consistently for each other.
In my own life, I realized six years ago that in order for me to truly take aligned action and move forward with purpose and direction… basically stop Peter Panning… I required the support of other strong, empowered men. This prompted me to create a men’s group in the community I was living in in Costa Rica. We gathered regularly in-person with the intention to cultivate masculine presence, active listening, and sharing from an open heart.
These sharing circles allowed me to express myself and therefore release tension. That alone allowed me to better show up for my Self, my Beloved, my family, my community, and those I am here to serve.
Without a doubt, meeting regularly with brother men saved my relationship with my beloved wife Sasha. My wife is a powerful space holder. It just brings me great pleasure to provide Sasha the space to relax fully into her feminine. This is why I deeply appreciate brotherhood. To be able to express things that I know would only make Sasha worried and feel like she has to figure it out herself. One thing is for certain… I don’t have it all figured out. I am human and I have struggled to provide consistent income over the last four years due to a lot of shifts and transitions as both Sasha and I have been reintegrating back into society after living in Costa Rica full time for 5 years. With that said, thank God for my brothers! Their willingness to hold space for me to express and share my challenges allowed me to continue strong on my path with my wife by my side.
A mature man wants his woman to be in her feminine radiance, because this inspires him to embody empowered masculinity. This is one secret to keeping the sexual passion alive in intimate relationships.
If you’re not connecting with brothers regularly, cultivating masculine presence, active listening, and heart-felt sharing, you are likely accumulating emotional tension. This tension is better released in brotherhood circles, instead of intimate relationships, so the women around you, especially intimate partners, can feel more contained by your empowered masculine presence.
When a man steps into a room with other men, he begins to attune to the other men. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with men whose hearts vibrate at a more dominant, embodied frequency. Men who make you feel relaxed, like there’s nothing to compete for, no need to hold your guard, because those men know themselves at a deep level. They’re not in competition. They have nothing to prove, and that is felt. That gives everyone else permission to drop the armor and be in full presence.
Most boys only had a handful of emotions that felt safe to explore and express. Like only being able to play with a few crayons in the box of 64 even though the girls got to play and express with them all. For the boys, the rest tend to get suppressed, buried, lost and forgotten.
In intentional spaces where men gather, there is an opportunity to become familiar with the full spectrum of colours that make up the human experience. All 64 crayons. And it’s ok if we colour outside the lines in our expression. All is welcomed.
Being in brotherhood has allowed me to show up more and more as my authentic self, and become more masterful in my communication. It gives me so much more confidence in my ability to communicate with authority, in my business and in my relationships. A big reason for this is I trust my brothers will call me forward, not out as that would be shaming, if I’m speaking from my mind or bullshitting myself or others. Brotherhood has helped strengthen my ability to be a strong and compassionate man and this is reflected in the quality of all my relationships.
What does brotherhood actually look like, as opposed to what most men think it means?
Brotherhood is a container. A safe space where men can stop performing and really be met in that. Where there’s nothing to prove, where all is welcomed. Where they get to expand their capacity for connection, and their nervous system’s capacity to hold the tension, to be witnessed by their brothers and held in that, so they can liberate or transmute old beliefs or stuck energies, and be celebrated by others in that work.
We’re there to celebrate each other instead of compete. Generosity comes naturally when one’s cup is overflowing.
‘Let’s compete on who can be more generous.’
A man who truly loves himself enough to do the inner work each day, can serve from that full, overflowing cup.
The truth is, there is an inner crisis happening among the men on this planet. Men require brotherhood more than anything else at this time of great change. In the United States alone, men die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women, representing 79% of all suicide deaths. That’s roughly 100 men every single day.
Sit with that for a moment.
(Source: HeadsUpGuys)
So many men are silently suffering in their own emotions, not knowing how to express, because they were never taught how to connect with the feminine principle. Compassion, empathy, intuition, emotional intelligence, emotional literacy. That is needed.
It doesn’t matter how successful or high-functioning a man is… he can’t do this inner work alone.
A man can have a thriving business, a loving partner, financial freedom, and still feel profoundly alone, because most men have never experienced being truly witnessed. Only evaluated, competed with, measured against.
The armour that kept him safe in the world is the exact thing keeping him from being known in it.
What is The Embodied Man, and who is it actually for?
The Embodied Man is more than a brotherhood. It’s a living container where men come together to practice showing up as their next version of themselves. To name what they’re releasing, what they’re shedding, and what they’re committed to embodying, held to that by brothers who won’t let them disappear back into the comfortable version of who they’ve always been.
The ultimate reflection of this inner work isn’t how a man shows up in a circle. It’s how he shows up at home. In his relationship. With his children. The men who do this work don’t just become better men in a room with other men. They become the man their partner has been asking for, the father their children will remember, and the leader their community needs.
Before the full container launches…
I am offering something you can step into right now.
Every week I host a free 30-minute live session open to any man who wants a direct experience of this work. All you need is a standard deck of 52 playing cards. What we do with them might surprise you.
This is not a webinar. It’s not a pitch. It’s the work itself, in a live container, so you can feel for yourself what becomes possible when men gather with real intention.
If this is landing, register here to join us.
The Embodied Man full container launches at the end of July. The men who show up for the weekly sessions will be the first to be invited in.
If this article has provided you value, please consider sharing with someone else that may benefit from it. I would also love to receive comments and am open to answering any questions that come up.
Peace & Presence,
Jonathan